This year has been a riot. I love being busy and my list of active projects is long and varied. Unfortunately, my to-do list is longer.
People often ask me how I manage to do so much, the honest answer is; I don't manage it. It's like a crop rotation, one lays fallow whilst another flourishes. Running three very different businesses is hard. As it should be. There are times of extreme joy and low, dark times when it feels like I am fighting the tide, and the sharks are coming.
I am not very good at working out when things aren't going well. My body does have a way of letting me know though - I put on weight and become lethargic. I write this at 11:30 on a Monday morning in my pyjamas, guess how i'm feeling at the moment?
I have one of the 'Do One Thing Well' prints by Marion Deuchars hanging in my studio. This 20" x 30" poster haunts me every day. I try to drill down on a project but it just isn't me. I am an idea's person, always have been. As I have matured I have learnt to execute these ideas, and I work fast. I obsess over the idea. Nothing is as important as my current idea. The trouble is, I always have a shiny new idea fighting for my time. The past idea then lays fallow until I find more time. As we all know, we are given a finite amount of time per day, the more I spread my time; the more my output will suffer.
'Do One Thing Well' isn't for me. I need to do what I do best. Ideation and execution. I need a team around me to help things along whilst I work on the next thing. I need to communicate more. I need to do my homework. I need to stop stressing. I need to stop telling people what they want to hear. I need help.
Emails, DM's, bills, admin, meetings, friendships and relationships; all these things have been sliding over the past few months, and this needs to be addressed.
The web is such a beautiful thing but it makes us all highly visible. I have been quiet on social media for a few weeks as I feel a lot of social presure to think in a certain way. Very few of us feel brave enough to voice our true feelings online for fear of being judged. We all have problems, insecurities and fears. Quite often, spending time on these networks trying to conform just isn't healthy. I haven't been using Twitter as much recently, and guess what, I haven't missed out. In fact, I have been feeling slightly liberated, free to think what I like and not looking for approval from others. I also have free'd up a lot of time. I need to make this time count.
Alongside a bunch of other things this year, there has also been a personal, family related problem to take in. An issue which I am not comfortable going into any depth on. I think this has taken it's toll without me really acknowledging it. Just another thing which I haven't dealt with very well.
A huge financial loss with this years conference hasn't helped the situation and I will feel the effects of this for a long time. I have learnt from a lot of mistakes and can't see another conference on the horizon for a long time. If at all.
I have been trying to work out the best way forward and I think it is clear. I need more help. Amie (my wife) gave up her job to come and work alongside me earlier this year and like me, she is also fighting the tide. We both work 50+ hours each week and often find ourselves sleeping in the studio rather than make the trip home to bed each night. We need an extra pair of hands, another person to help pitch in, another pair of ears to share things with. We just need to earn the money to be able to pay for such a person. That is my new goal and my biggest focus at the moment. It all starts with clearing my inbox.
So if you are waiting on an email, DM, phonecall, skype call or whatever from me, hang tight, I will get around to it. I'm just struggling at the moment.